Confused & misshapen-I wish I could find a way

I wish I could find a way
Living with it day by day,
As I cry within the dark and my tears find the pillow
you’ll never know, these tears crammed with such sorrow.
I Buried my secret nobody knows.
Eyes are open, hands are fisted.
Deep inside I’m confused & misshapen.

I’m anxious that my thoughts will scare them away,
Make them wake from their imitation world of precision.
People always call me heartless, Robotic.
I wonder if they realize,
How difficult it is to function…
When you’re not sure if you even exist.

I wish I could defend misery to you,,
Once again and scream about…
How I wish I could feel anything.
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream.
I’m not gone, my mind has floated
Don’t expect much, I’m distorted & twisted.

Papa, I do know you’re getting to read this or
hear this and that I know it’s getting to cause you to upset.
I need you to realize that
I love you so much,
I miss your voice …
I need to sit with you and offer my sentiments.

I wish I could see you without shutting my eyes.
I do know you’re during a better place,
where there’s no pain.
you’re asleep, I wish
I could disclose that to my heart.
In chuckling and in sorrow,
within the sunshine and in a time period
I realize you can see me now..until we meet once more.
I miss you each breath that I take.



By Rinrainbow